I'm really into asian looking animals
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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