I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
