He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
