I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
