my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
