You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
