he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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