when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
