I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
