Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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