Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
