): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
