You're completely useless in the revolution.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
