Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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