take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
