I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
