were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
