you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
