walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
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