He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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