Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
