it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
