Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
