Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
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