remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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