Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Randomize
