Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
