I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
wow bdsm is so cute
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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