1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
