The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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