cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
