Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
