Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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