That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
It was a blind-side dick pic.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
