Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
