So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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