I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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