Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.�
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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