Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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