bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Randomize
