Non-Jews are for practice
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
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