i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
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