if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
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