I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
