Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
