Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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