I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
So here I am, sexting at work.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
