i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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