i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
