The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
