i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
