oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
