new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
