I CAN MOONWALK!
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
