My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Randomize
