i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
