Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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