Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
